How to be self love |


2022 is all about how to be self love. This is in an effort to heal any trauma surrounding love and attachment trauma I have so that I can show up 100% in a healthy relationship. 2022 is all about stopping the search for completeness outside of myself and finding those feelings of love and security from myself first.


Moving into a new era in 2022. I am ending the never ending cycle of destruction in my life. I am motivated by others and I hate this. Focusing on myself and self love this year, I am going to be selfish. This is about healing my abandonment and co dependent trauma, my efforts to earn the love and security I wish I had.

After reflecting on my relationship failures, when I have felt the most confident in my body, where my motivation comes from, when I feel the most love in my life: I realized a common theme that it was not coming from ME but when I was in or pursuing a relationship my motivation to do these things was in fact FOR someone else. MY heart shattered.

Did I truly not love myself the way I though I did? Have I seriously not actually been practicing self-love these last couple years? Sure, I talk about it all the time. Solo trips and dates. Solo confidence in myself. Blah blah blah.

Then I look back at all the times I was in the best shape of my life, on point with my nutrition, love working out, smart with my finances, committed to positive self-talk. It was ALWAYS for someone else. The relationship 15 pounds, ya don’t know her, I get the relationship shredded body because all of the sudden I am trying to earn the admiration of someone else instead of doing it for me because I want the best for me.

Wow. 31 and still motivated by impressing someone else.

I get into a relationship and all of the sudden my style starts emulating them and what they like, my favorite food becomes what they like, my favorite hobbies become what they like, they want me skinnier I get skinnier, they want a larger butt I will try growing my butt, etc.

I am so afraid of rejection and abandonment that I will completely die to myself to make sure someone stays with me.

Has it worked? Well, no.

I am so afraid to have an opinion, stand up for myself, tell them to not talk to me I a certain way: all because I haven’t healed my trauma and feel like the only way to have love in my life is by earning it.

This is the end of this cycle. Instead of trying to find these qualities of love and security in SOMEONE ELSE, I am cultivating them in myself. At the end of the day, I will never find someone who truly loves me if I can’t even show and accept my own love in my life.

Let the dating celibacy start now, hahahahhaha.


  • weekly dinner dates to a new restaurant
  • speak positively and lovingly to myself
  • write encouragement notes to myself
  • dance to music in the kitchen
  • cook a nice dinner for myself
  • go to trauma therapy willingly
  • enjoy the little moments daily
  • romanticize my routines
  • value my own time, not to waste it
  • figure out my favorite things without outside influence
  • not excusing negative self talk or behaviors
  • one adventure weekend a month
  • spoil myself monthly with a gift that is a splurge
  • commit to my personal style that I love no matter what
  • invest in my future with the 100 envelope challenge
  • support my healthy habits with nutrition and workouts for ME, not to impress someone else


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